


What is This Feeling?

by SalTheMander, WintermoonQueen



Category: Frozen - Fandom, Frozen 2 - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Assumptions are made, Comedy, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Mostly Elsa again, Romance, Useless Lesbians, just a sprinkle of the comedy here and there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:29:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26015038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalTheMander/pseuds/SalTheMander, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WintermoonQueen/pseuds/WintermoonQueen
Summary: (So sudden and new).-Rumors of Honeymaren's secret lover spread among the Northuldra, leaving Elsa both bewildered and hurt at the news; though she doesn't understand why.Honeymaren, on the other hand, thinks Ryder and Elsa are seeing each other. Though it pains her to push aside her own feelings for the Fifth Spirit, she's willing to be happy for them.Anna just wants to scream.
Relationships: Elsa & Honeymaren (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Comments: 32
Kudos: 116





	What is This Feeling?

**Author's Note:**

> Here is a wonderful collaboration with WintermoonQueen! It was such a pleasure and honour to work on this with her, and she is an amazing writer who taught me a lot during this process. This definitely didn't stem from her writing an impromptu live fanfic over discord from 1am to 5am. I took the words that she spat out and expanded them, then she took my words and further improved them! I probably sound like a broken record to her at this point, but it truly was wonderful to write this with her!
> 
> -Sal <3

“I wonder where Honeymaren goes when she wanders off?”

“More importantly,  _ whom _ does she go with?”

Elsa halted in her tracks. Whatever task she had been about to carry out was now irrelevant, and the curious Ice Queen attempted to discreetly eavesdrop on the two Northuldra teens. 

“Whomever it is, the two of them are really close.” The speaker leaned in closer to his companion. 

Elsa also inched closer to hear his hushed words. 

“I’ve even seen them holding hands once.” 

Elsa’s breath caught in her throat. The realization left a heavy feeling in her chest, but she was careful to conceal it. 

She resumed her stride with a new goal in mind. 

_ Who is it? _

Elsa forced her spiraling thoughts to the back of her mind as she made her way to meet Ryder by the campfire; an agreement they’d made prior. She had mentioned how she was a stranger to cooking meat, and he eagerly offered to demonstrate the ‘intricacies of preparing fish.’ 

_ Whatever that means _ . __

“Ah hi!” Ryder made room for her beside him. A large fish was laid across his lap, scaled, skinned, and emitting a repulsive odour . 

Elsa’s distaste must have been visible because Ryder laughed, prodding the fish with a skewer. 

“I may not know much, but I can tell you that it’s usually better once you start cooking it,” he told her.

“I’ll take your word for it,” Elsa replied, though skeptical. 

Ryder began explaining the process, and despite having little prior interest in cooking, Elsa remained invested and entertained. His comical quips made for lighthearted conversation, and it wasn’t long before the Ice Queen knew the basics of preparing a grilled fish.

-

Carrying two hefty sacks of feed on her shoulders, Honeymaren made her way along the path to the reindeer pen. 

But upon hearing a familiar, angelic voice near the fire, she paused. Out of curiosity, she peered over and noticed Ryder sitting quite close to Elsa. It was not unusual to see the two of them spending time together, but they seemed to be more comfortable with each other than normal.

She couldn’t hear the conversation exchanged between the two, but Elsa’s warm laughter, rare as it was, told more than any words could. 

A bittersweet feeling tugged at Honeymaren’s chest and she stumbled along the path to continue her chore. She wished her heart didn’t ache at the thought of her brother romantically involved with Elsa. Perhaps she never had a chance in the first place, especially when it was clear that Elsa preferred men. 

Honeymaren took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut. She forced the painful thoughts to the back of her mind and swallowed, willing the tears away.

The sacks on her shoulders seemed suddenly so much heavier. 

_ I’m glad that she’s happy _ . 

Honeymaren doled out the allotments of feed to the reindeer—a much needed distraction—without much thought, then listlessly returned to the camp. 

Her face brightened a little upon seeing Mikkol by the campfire, stoking the flames. Her old friend could always cheer her up with some remark, be it through a joke, or firm encouragement. 

She sat beside him, hanging her head. She vaguely wondered where Elsa and Ryder wandered off to. 

“Hey there! You look rather down, ‘Maren. What’s on your mind?” He fixed his curious eyes upon her, searching for a possible affliction. 

She hesitated, gazing absently at the dancing flames. Her jaw twitched as she tried to form words. Ordinarily, she had no problem expressing herself, but the nature of the situation and her feelings made it almost impossible. 

Honeymaren took a deep breath, “What do you do when you want something, but it’s out of your reach?” 

“Well, depending on the thing in question, I usually recall what my father always told me after stealing his sweets: ‘stealing isn’t good.’ So I learned to suck it up and live without a few extra sweets,” Mikkol replied with a smirk, nudging her shoulder playfully.

Honeymaren laughed. “That’s… helpful, but not really what I meant.” 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. So who’s the person of interest?” Mikkol inquired with a knowing quirk of a brow.

_ Keen as a hawk.  _

“N-Not entirely important. All you need to know is that they have zero interest in me. I’m glad that she’s— _ they’re _ happy… so why does it hurt so much?” 

She glanced up at Mikkol. Despite knowing that he wouldn’t be able to make her feelings disappear, she wished he could, nonetheless. 

He exhaled slowly, meeting her glassy and pleading gaze. “Feelings are always hard. Funny enough, my previous sentiment still applies, and sometimes you need to just deal with it for a bit and let the emotions run their course. Maybe you could tell her how you feel; it might take a little weight off your chest. Although, I’m no love expert.” 

Mikkol offered a warm smile, bringing his arm around her shoulders in a half-hug. 

Honeymaren weakly returned the smile and exhaled, “Thank you.” 

However, she knew she could never bring herself to tell Elsa, regardless of how wise and reassuring Mikkol’s words had been. 

_ There is no way I will hurt Elsa by telling her,  _ Honeymaren resolved to herself. __

Honeymaren cleared her throat, forcing herself to shake away the gloom. 

A flash of white at the corner of her vision alerted her to Elsa’s presence. Honeymaren ignored Mikkol’s knowing smirk as she abruptly stood, moving to approach the Ice Queen. 

“Elsa!”

Unlike so many other occasions, Elsa didn’t start upon hearing her name. Instead, she turned to face Honeymaren, but didn’t meet her eyes. 

“H-Hello, Honeymaren.” The words seemed forced, as though they were trying to escape a web in her throat. 

“Are you okay?” Honeymaren’s previous statement on her tongue was pushed aside, replaced by concern. 

“Yes, I’m fine.” 

Honeymaren knew Elsa well enough to tell by her body language—wringing her hands, biting her lower lip, and avoiding eye contact—that she wasn’t.

_ I won’t press her. If she wants to talk to me, she will. _

Elsa straightened her posture, returning to a semblance of regality. But unlike their previous interactions, she was cold. A cloud of melancholy tainted her beautiful gaze. 

Honeymaren forgot to ask about Ryder once Elsa spoke. 

“You and Mikkol are close, yes?” 

Honeymaren cast a smile back to her childhood friend, who gestured encouragingly in her direction. “Well, yeah. We’ve been close ever since we were little, and he’s always been good to me. He seems to always know what to say.”

Perhaps it was a trick of the morning light, but Honeymaren thought she noticed a glint of tears in Elsa’s eyes. 

“That’s—” her voice broke, and she was quick to say something else. “I’m so glad that you’re happy,” Elsa finished with the tiniest tremor in her voice, wrapping her arms around herself. 

Honeymaren was too stunned and confused to reply. She couldn’t even catch Elsa’s gaze as she strode away, leaving chilled air in her wake. 

_ Why did that sound familiar? _

-

Mikkol.

There was no doubt in Elsa’s mind as she had watched him wrap his arm around Honeymaren, who leaned into his embrace. The Ice Queen didn’t know whether she felt better or worse after having put a name to Honeymaren’s mysterious lover. 

_ She’s happy. That’s the only thing that matters.  _

Tears brimmed her eyes nonetheless. 

Why did hearing it from Honeymaren hurt so much more?

_ Honeymaren’s my  _ friend _! What’s wrong with me?!  _ Elsa inwardly screamed at herself, growing more frustrated as time passed.

She paced alone in the woods, hugging herself and leaving a thick layer of frost on the fallen leaves. Her thoughts spiraled.

_ I shouldn’t have walked away from her like that… _

_ I couldn’t let her see… _

_ Now she won’t even want to be around me… _

_ Why on earth do I feel this way? _

Agonizing moments passed until the bitter voice in her head quelled to a whisper. 

Elsa inhaled deeply. She needed to make this right. With a flourish of her trembling hands, she created a glistening bouquet of crystalline flowers. The best apology and gift she could think to offer. 

The Ice Queen returned to the camp, doing her best to keep the ice flowers discreet as she scanned the area for Mikkol. 

She spotted him by the campfire, boredly nudging crackling logs. 

Honeymaren was nowhere in sight. 

“Mikkol?” Elsa called softly. She was careful in her approach. When she caught his attention, she handed the wiry man the arrangement. “Please give these to Honeymaren. B-But don’t say they’re from me! A gift… from you to her, okay?” 

He smiled slyly, “Of course.” 

Elsa was taken aback by his demeanor, but recovered quickly. She took a deep breath. “I’m… I’m happy for the two of you… please be good to her…” As she trailed off, her gaze fell to the ground before the tears could. 

“Me and Honeymaren?” Mikkol laughed. “I love her, but I’m definitely not interested in women.” He sauntered off to find Honeymaren before Elsa could change her mind.

_ Wait… what? _

-

“Elsa told me to give you these.” Without provocation, Mikkol handed Honeymaren a gorgeous array of flowers, shaped finely from crystals of ice. 

She took the bouquet, awed by its shining beauty. 

“She made these for… for me?” Honeymaren gasped, stroking the petals, admiring their exquisite form with wonder. 

“She did.”

“But why?” she whispered, furrowing her brows. 

“I think you know why,” he replied, winking at her before taking his leave. 

Honeymaren stared down at the crystalline bouquet with both confusion and wonder.

_ Why…? Why didn’t she just give this to me herself? _

-

Anna nearly tripped off the sleigh as she made her way to the Northuldra camp. 

The only words she needed to read were ‘spirits… I don’t know what to do,’ before packing her things to go bring her sister the help she so desperately needed. 

She knew Elsa would never ask her directly, so she took it upon herself to knock some sense into her disaster of a sister. 

“Elsa!” Anna yelled, racing to hug her older sibling, hardly managing to set her bag down before doing so. “It’s so good to see you.”

Elsa smiled, her chilled demeanor melting into the embrace. Her voice was muffled as she spoke into her sister’s shoulder. “I’m so glad you’re here.” 

_ Something is definitely wrong.  _

“Hey,” Anna murmured and guided her sister to a relatively secluded area, sitting down beside her on a fallen log. “Tell me what’s going on.” 

“Don’t you have more important things to concern yourself with back in Arendelle? You didn’t have to come all the way out here for me...” Elsa trailed off, chewing her lip. She gazed at Anna apologetically. 

“I’d say this is far more important. And besides, it’s not like Kristoff will burn down the  _ entire _ castle while I’m gone.”

Elsa’s eyes grew wide. “...What are you implying, Anna?”

“Well...” Anna offered a nervous laugh. “There may have been an… incident… at one point or another.”

“ _ Anna?!”  _ Elsa spun to face her, alarmed.

“That’s beside the point! Now, tell me what’s bothering you. You sounded so upset in your letter, but you never said exactly why,” Anna’s voice softened. A soothing concern lined her voice, urging an honest response from her reluctant sibling. 

Elsa hesitated for a long moment, the silence visibly weighing down on her shoulders. “I… I-I don’t know…” Her usually soft voice grew exceedingly timid. 

Anna felt a pang of sorrow for her sister. Elsa seemed to always know what was on her mind, even if she neglected to voice it, but now she looked so lost and uncertain. 

Her arm found its place across Elsa’s shoulders as Anna hugged her close, allowing the Ice Queen to deflate into her.

Elsa’s voice broke. “I should be happy for Honeymaren that she’s found someone—I  _ am _ happy for her... b-but for some reason my chest aches when I see her getting close with anyone else,” she choked out, burying her face into Anna’s shoulder. “It  _ hurts _ … so much. I-I’m sorry.”

She didn’t cry, but the pain in her words was enough to weigh Anna down as well.

“Why are you apologizing? Never, ever be sorry for your feelings, Elsa,” she soothed. “I love you so much, and I know it hurts. Just let yourself feel it.” Anna paused and frowned with a sudden realization. She pulled away from Elsa just slightly to meet her eyes. “Wait, Elsa… do you know what it is that you’re actually feeling?”

Elsa’s eyebrows creased and she tilted her head. Anna pursed her lips, holding her breath; she prayed to the Spirits that Elsa wasn’t as clueless as she made herself out to be.

Finally, Elsa pulled away with a shake of her head. “No. She’s my friend. A good friend. I-I’m just… overreacting...” she stuttered, her voice raising to an uncertain octave.

Anna blinked.

Once.

Then twice.

She resisted the urge to facepalm.

The Queen didn’t want to say that her elder sister was an idiot, but Elsa was sure as hell clueless.

_ How could someone so intelligent be so oblivious?! _

Anna took a deep breath, breaking the silence between them, and took Elsa’s hands in her own.

Her sister gave her a puzzling expression, but didn’t pull away.

_ That’s a good sign _ , Anna thought with a ghost of a smile.  _ She’s willing to listen _ .

“Elsa, I need you to listen carefully, okay?” she started, gently stroking a thumb over her sister’s gently quivering knuckles.

“Okay...?” Elsa responded, albeit a little apprehensively

Anna kept her gaze on Elsa’s, making sure her sister wouldn’t divert her attention the moment she spoke. “Elsa… you like her. As more than a friend.”

Elsa gasped, her cheeks turning a brilliant crimson as she shook her head.

“What?! No! We’re _ friends _ !” she argued.

_ Oh Spirits help me, my sister is even further in denial than I thought! _

Anna tightened her grip on Elsa’s hands, leaning a little closer. She sighed, a little frustrated. “Elsa, I need you to repeat after me, okay?”

“Why?”

Anna resisted the urge to groan. Of course, this was Elsa, she was not going to make this easy. “Just trust me okay? I’m trying to help you figure this out. We’re doing this together.”

_ Together. _

That seemed like the magic word. Elsa’s hands relaxed in her sister’s hold, and Anna offered a reassuring smile.

“Repeat after me. I—”

“I…”

“Like.”

“Like.”

“Honeymaren.”

“Honeymaren.”

“As more than a friend.”

“...As a friend.”

Anna groaned. “Elsaaa!” If she could, she would give her sister an exasperated smack on the head.

“What?! I’m telling the truth! She’s just my friend!” Elsa defended.

Anna pinched the bridge of her nose and took in a few deep breaths.  _ My sister is going to be the death of me all because she’s in denial that she likes a girl. Spirits, please have mercy.  _

The Queen then lifted her head. She straightened her posture and composed herself, just like she’s seen Elsa do so many times before. “All right, if she’s your friend then why is it so important to you if she’s seeing someone?” she asked diplomatically.

Elsa averted her gaze. “I just… I want to look out for her, that’s all,” she whispered.

Though, Anna knew better as she caught the glassiness in her sister’s eyes and the way she retreated into herself. 

Anna sighed at the display. Her heart ached for Elsa.

_ Alright, looks like I’ll have to do this the hard way. It’s for your own good, dear sister,  _ Anna resolved.

“That’s fine, then.” Anna’s smile returned. A plan formed in her mind, but she kept it to herself. “Tell you what, I’ll try and find out who it is that Honeymaren’s seeing. Okay?”

At the suggestion, Elsa returned her gaze to Anna’s in shock and the tiniest hint of a smile bloomed along her face.

“You’d do that...for me?” she whispered, bewildered.

Anna rolled her eyes. “Of course, silly. You’re my sister. We’ll figure this out, together. I promise.” Anna reached out and stroked Elsa’s cheek, gently reassuring that she would always be there for her. 

After a long moment, the weight of the silence began to ease. 

“What would I do without you?” Elsa murmured, leaning her head on Anna’s shoulder.

“You’ll always have me.” Anna smiled down at her sister. 

“Anna?”

“Hm?”

“...Thank you,” Elsa whispered, closing her eyes.

Anna placed a soft kiss on her sister’s head.

“Of course.”

_ Anything for you, Elsa.  _

-

It didn’t take Anna long to find Honeymaren, who was gathering firewood and humming a lullaby to herself. 

“Hey Honeymaren!” Anna called, skipping to her side, picking up twigs and branches to assist. 

“Hey, Anna. What brings you here?” Honeymaren asked. Her tone was light and curious. 

“Oh, just visiting my sister,” she replied with a shrug. “Hey, can I ask you something? It might seem a bit weird.”

Honeymaren glanced at her, raising a brow. “Yeah, go for it.” 

Anna couldn’t help but think of the children in Arendelle, gossiping about their various infatuations. “Do you… have feelings for anyone?” 

The Northuldra woman paused, perplexed. “N-No, why?”

“Really? A little birdie told me that you were seeing someone,” Anna countered with a 

teasing lilt.

Honeymaren laughed to herself before looking up at the Arendellian Queen with a smile. 

Anna thought she noticed a hint of sadness in her eyes.

“No, I’m not seeing anyone,” she replied solemnly. “As much as I wish it were otherwise…”

Anna’s curiosity piqued. “So… you’ve taken a liking to someone then…?”

“This is… sort of an odd question to be asking me, don’t you think?” Honeymaren quirked a bewildered brow.

Anna laughed uneasily. “Yeah… I have a good reason, I promise. Who is it?” 

Honeymaren rolled her eyes, sighing in resignation. “...Elsa.”

A squeal of joy escaped Anna, causing her to drop the would-be firewood. 

Honeymaren’s cheeks darkened, and she looked dismally to the ground. “Unfortunately, she seems to be more attached to my brother than to me… it’s all right,” she sighed, attempting to shrug it off. A dejected smile marred her countenance. “As long as she’s happy, I am too.”

Anna frowned and her eyes narrowed. “Are you serious?” she asked, her voice dripping with frustration.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Honeymaren inquired, her confusion palpable. “I want what’s best for Elsa.”

The sincereness in her tone made Anna either want to squeal in joy or cry at the irony of it all.

“If you excuse me, I have some chores to finish,” Honeymaren said tersely and walked away before could even Anna form a response.

_ This is worse than I thought.  _ Anna frowned as she watched Honeymaren take off.

Finally, she pulled at her hair before waving her hands in irritation as she wailed, “They’re  _ both _ idiots!”

-

“Anna, where are you taking me?” Elsa asked, a little breathless as she trailed behind her sister, who had a firm grasp on her hand. 

“Just trust me,” Anna replied in a hushed tone.

Elsa quirked a brow and pursed her lips, but remained quiet.

Whenever that phrase came from Anna, there was a broad spectrum of possible outcomes. They could range anywhere from neutral to chaotic within seconds. To say Elsa was skeptical was an understatement.

They emerged from the forest and onto the shore of the Dark Sea, its waves lapped against the stones. 

Elsa halted when she noticed Honeymaren, who was shouting and waving a fist at rustling leaves. 

“Ryder, get back here! What the hell do you mean ‘wait for someone?!’” she growled.

When Honeymaren turned, her eyes widened in surprise upon noticing Elsa’s arrival. 

_ Get me out of here! _ Elsa thought, panicking.

“Anna—” 

Her sister was long gone, providing no more explanation than Ryder had. 

There was a long, uncomfortable silence. 

“I-I should go… my sister brought me here telling me she had a surprise, b-but since you're expecting someone...” Elsa stuttered, wringing her hands and avoiding Honeymaren’s deep, honey-brown eyes. 

“No, that’s all right,” Honeymaren laughed uneasily. “I don’t even know who I’m waiting for.”

“Whomever it is… this looks like a romantic outing. I-I don’t want to intrude and ruin your chances with them… I’ll leave,” Elsa spoke to the ground. For whatever reason, she longed to stay, but she brushed this desire aside. 

_ If I stay, then I’ll only cause more pain for the both of us. I need to leave... _

Elsa turned to go, but Honeymaren’s panicked hand on her wrist urged her to halt. 

“Wait!” Honeymaren gasped out, sounding desperate. Their eyes locked for a bittersweet moment. “...please?” 

The Ice Queen closed her eyes against swelling tears. Her aching heart spoke begrudging words, “I just want you to be happy.”

“Elsa...” Honeymaren stepped nearer, trying to look at her companion. “Elsa, I  _ am _ happy. Why are you crying?”

Elsa averted her gaze, refusing to meet her friend’s eyes.

“I’m not.” Her breaking voice told otherwise. She hastily brushed the tears away, scolding herself. 

_ Why do I feel like this? No, it doesn’t matter, my feelings aren’t important right now.  _

Honeymaren frowned. “Yes, you are,” she replied softly, concern lacing her tone. She relaxed her grip on Elsa’s wrist, sliding down to interlace their fingers. “What’s wrong?”

Elsa removed her hand, leaving Honeymaren’s empty palm lingering in the air as she wrapped her arms around her own body. “It’s nothing for you to worry about,” her voice quivered as she held back a sob.

Honeymaren pursed her lips, then moved to stand in front of Elsa before she could retreat further into herself. “Elsa, let me help you, please.” 

Elsa felt Honeymaren’s eyes searching for a response, knowing that if she met them she would break. She let the silence form a curtain around her, wishing she could hide behind it and disappear forever. 

“You don’t need to help me,” Elsa insisted. Snow flurried around her as her voice cracked. “You don’t even have to care that I exist.”

Honeymaren gasped—followed by a slow intake of breath. She firmly took Elsa’s hands in her own. “Yes, I do. I’m your friend, Elsa. Whoever shows up for this stupid blind date my brother set up for me will have to understand that you are more important right now.” Her russet eyes softened as she watched Elsa, who still refused to meet her gaze. “I think you need to understand that too.”

Elsa stared down at their hands, wanting more than anything to understand. Honeymaren’s hands were firm, soft... comforting. Elsa couldn’t help but imagine how she would feel if it was her in place of the mystery suitor. 

Honeymaren squeezed her hands gently. “You don’t have to tell me what’s upsetting you right now. Here, let’s sit. The sun is setting soon, I wouldn’t want to miss it.”

Elsa quietly followed as Honeymaren led her closer to the water. 

The falling snow began to fade. 

A woven blanket rested on the stones, and upon it sat a basket filled with familiar-smelling pastries.

At the sight of them, Elsa halted in her steps. She raised an inquisitive brow. 

_ Anna…? _

Unaware of Elsa’s discovery, Honeymaren released one of Elsa’s hands to offer her one of the desserts. “Here.” 

Elsa made no move to take it, declining with a shake of her head. 

“If you’re worried about there not being enough, there’s plenty here to feed a village,” she reasoned, then smiled as Elsa carefully received her offering. 

She didn’t eat it. Instead, she held onto it like a lifeline while staring absently out at the Dark Sea.

Elsa felt the heat of Honeymaren’s eyes upon her as they sat in silence. She was almost relieved that her friend didn’t press her to talk. 

Honeymaren fished out a pastry of her own from the basket, eating it quietly. Her free hand was still clasped reassuringly onto Elsa’s.

_ I shouldn’t be here…  _ Elsa thought, holding back a quiet sob.

“You know,” Honeymaren broke through her thoughts, swallowing a bite. “They always told us stories about the Dark Sea. Our parents would warn us about it, saying that beyond the mist, the Nokk raged on, swimming occasionally into our waters to drag wanderers into the depths.” She laughed to herself, a kind and welcoming sound. “Funny how a fear of the unknown can change a lonely and noble creature into a turbulent beast. It’s no wonder it's so attached to you.” 

Elsa clung onto her words, heart aching at the painful memories that resurfaced.

_ Lonely.  _

She was no stranger to loneliness.

“Elsa,” Honeymaren turned to face her. “Apart from Anna, do you have anyone here that you… that you actually feel connected with?”

Elsa’s breath caught in her throat. It was a long moment before she finally found the courage to meet those tender, brown eyes. “No… but...” Her voice was quiet, fractured. “H-Honeymaren, I…” she trailed off.

A beat.

_ How can I say anything when I don’t even understand what I’m feeling? _

_ Some Fifth Spirit I turned out to be.  _

With that last, painful thought in mind, Elsa couldn’t find it in herself to look away from Honeymaren’s beautiful eyes.

_ I’m okay with feeling lonely; loneliness is a cold fortress that I’ve never been able to overcome, and that’s okay. I’m used to it. But I won’t risk her happiness like this. The second this suitor shows up, I’ll leave,  _ Elsa decided, resigning herself.

The sun began to dip nearer to the horizon, beginning to work her paintbrush across the sky. 

Finishing her dessert, Honeymaren moved to stand, guiding Elsa to follow suit. 

She squeezed Elsa’s hand, assuring her that she didn’t intend to let go anytime soon. “May I walk you to my favourite place?” 

Elsa’s own pastry remained forgotten on the blanket, as she now found security in Honeymaren. “Show me, please?” she whispered. 

For the first time since Elsa arrived, a tiny smile curled on her face. 

In response, a grin alighted upon Honeymaren’s lips, sending an unfamiliar warmth through Elsa’s chest. 

She pulled Elsa along, breaking into a run, forgetting the ‘walking’ part of her request. 

A surprised gasp escaped her as Elsa chased her pace, a smile blooming upon her features. Her heart, in this brief moment, felt so much lighter. 

They found themselves on a stony outcrop, waves caressing the shore beneath them. 

Hues of red, yellow, and pink decorated the sky, painting the clouds. The vibrant colours were mirrored in the water below as the sun rested on the horizon, turning their world golden. 

Elsa’s eyes widened in awe.

_ It’s all so beautiful… _

The sun’s light paled in comparison to Elsa’s beauty. Honeymaren found her gaze tracing the ethereal spirit, absorbing the angelic scene. And, like an angel, the soft wind caressed her gentle face, rippling through Elsa’s hair, turned to gold, and giving her flowing dress wings. 

_ Why can’t it be you? _

She gently pulled her hand away, sighing inaudibly. “I never wanted this. I don’t want to go out with anyone new, but Ryder was adamant about this and didn’t tell me why.”

Elsa’s hand closed around Honeymaren’s absence, snapping her brilliant blue eyes to her. “What if they still show up?” 

“There’s no point in meeting with them when my heart belongs to someone else.”

Elsa’s eyes fell back to the sea, and Honeymaren glimpsed tears threatening to spill from her stunning eyes.

Elsa choked through a sob, “Who is it?” 

Honeymaren took Elsa’s hands, releasing a slow breath. 

_ How I wish I could be yours. _

“You.” 

Elsa stared back, meeting Honeymaren’s eyes in the stunned silence. She shook her head, retreating backwards toward the sea. 

Her breath hitched as Elsa's foot slipped.

With her heart in her throat, Honeymaren reached out, praying that her hands would find Elsa. 

Time slowed as she felt nothing but air.

_ Spirits, please help me! I can’t lose her! _

Honeymaren surged forward, grasping the icy fabric of Elsa’s dress before desperately clutching her hips. With all her strength, she pulled Elsa away from the perilous edge. Honeymaren breathed a sigh of relief once she held her close in her arms.

“Don’t worry, Snowflake. I got you,” she whispered, burying her face into Elsa’s golden hair. The scent of snow and lavender filled her nose, reassuring her that Elsa was here and safe.

Elsa’s quivering hands found purchase on Honeymaren’s shoulders as she melted into the secure embrace. 

“You can’t… I don’t…” Her disbelieving voice faded into Honeymaren’s warmth. 

“Why can’t I?” Honeymaren looked at her with nothing but love in her gaze. “Is it so hard to believe? You’re wonderful in so many ways… How could I not feel anything for you?”

Elsa averted her eyes before she buried her face into Honeymaren’s shoulder. 

“Do you really mean that?” she murmured, doubt lingering in her voice.

Honeymaren brushed Elsa’s long hair aside, removing her shield and capturing her gaze as she tilted Elsa’s chin upward. Her gentle hand then cupped Elsa’s cheek as she spoke. “I do. With all of my heart,” she replied sincerely. 

Honeymaren closed her eyes, begging for this moment to last forever; with Elsa safe in her arms. 

“I’ve fallen for you, Elsa.”

Elsa tensed almost imperceptibly in her arms as her pale face flushed. Honeymaren’s grip loosened, forming a narrow divide between the two. 

“I-It’s okay. I just thought that… that maybe…”

_...It’s okay. I never expected my feelings to be returned. _

Honeymaren felt Elsa’s grip on her shoulders tighten, as though she was afraid to let go.

“Honeymaren,” Elsa breathed, words escaping her after a tense moment, and she nestled further into the waning embrace. “I’m not… it’s not that I don’t reciprocate…” Her small voice quivered as she hid from Honeymaren’s widening eyes. 

_ Is there a chance…? _

Heart hammering in her chest, Honeymaren took a deep breath as she stared down at the woman she loved.

“What do you mean, Elsa?” she whispered, reaffirming her grip around Elsa’s waist, softly prompting a response. 

Elsa’s hand covered her mouth as her tears betrayed her, leaking down her blushing cheeks. Her words choked on a sob, visibly overwhelmed. 

“I don’t know… I don’t know what any of these symptoms mean. I-I just know that…” She gasped for breath. “When I’m around you, I can feel my heartbeat in my chest... M-My whole body feels warm. My hands tingle when we touch.” Another breath. “My magic crawls to my fingertips and I can’t control it!” She shut her eyes tight with a soft sob. “I don’t want to ever risk hurting you.”

Elsa’s face fell to Honeymaren’s shoulder as she cried. Every inch of her trembled in her cradling arms, but not from the cold flurry of snow drifting around them. 

Honeymaren’s surprise faded as she held Elsa closer, caressing circles into her back. Her other hand stroked Elsa’s hair, the golden colour gone in the fading light. The sobs gradually quieted, and Elsa’s breaths shuddered softly. Without a second thought, Honeymaren placed a loving kiss on the crown of her head. 

Elsa’s head lifted, keeping her reddened eyes lowered to her shoulder. Honeymaren carefully wiped a tear from beneath her eye. 

“Is this how other people feel w-when…?” Elsa’s voice was a cracked whisper, trailing away into the quiet of the dusk. 

“I don’t think I can speak for everyone, but I can tell you my ‘symptoms’ if you like?” Honeymaren replied, amused at Elsa’s choice of words as she continued to stroke her back; relieved that she finally began to relax in her arms. “For me… every time I look at you, my heart races, and when you glance back, I’m speechless. Whenever you touch me, my stomach does somersaults. And… when you’re confident and proud of yourself for everything that you can do, I can only think about kissing you and loving you.”

Elsa looked up at Honeymaren, whose breath hitched as she took in the most beautiful face in the world.

Those blue eyes shone bright through the remnants of tears. Honeymaren's heart swelled at how Elsa still stood strong through all of the pain, announcing to the world a resilience more powerful than magic. 

Honeymaren’s hand found its way to Elsa’s refined chin, gently holding it. “Elsa?” she murmured. Her calloused thumb tentatively stroked her bottom lip. Honeymaren swallowed nervously. Her heart pounded in her chest.

_ This is the moment, if I can seize it. _

“May I kiss you?”

Elsa took in a shuddering breath, her lip tingling beneath Honeymaren’s benign touch. Her back tingled pleasantly at the rhythmic motions of Honeymaren’s hands, grounding her in a way she had never known from another’s touch.

All thought abandoned her with a breath as she subtly leaned into her gaze. “If… if we both want this…”

Honeymaren paused, waiting for consent. Her lip skimmed her separating thumb as their noses brushed together, sending warm shivers down Elsa’s back. 

“Do  _ you _ want this, Elsa?” 

_ More than anything else in the world. _

She wanted to cast away every doubt in her mind. 

She wanted to stay in Honeymaren’s arms until the dawn broke. 

She wanted to know what it was to love a partner, and to be loved by her.

“ _ Yes _ .”

She closed the divide as Honeymaren’s thumb slipped away. 

They each found comfort in the other. 

Elsa’s hands rested around Honeymaren’s neck while Honeymaren found her own on Elsa’s hips.

The kiss was slow and gentle.

The last fiery traces of the sun dimmed beneath the sea, making way for the moon to shine his cool light upon them. Waves glistened silver as they caressed the shore, taking and leaving shining stones in their wake. 

They only broke away to allow the grins to spread across their faces, foreheads touching as they leaned into one another. 

Honeymaren laughed, a cheerful noise that filled the comfortable silence. 

“What’s so funny?” Elsa asked, her voice carrying a rare giddiness. 

“I think I just figured it out. Elsa,  _ you’re _ the one who was meant to show up. Spirits, I’m going to strangle my brother.”

Elsa flushed, Honeymaren’s laugh was contagious as she giggled in response. 

“Anna made those pastries. She knew too.”

“She must have plotted with Ryder after I told her I liked you,” Honeymaren chuckled again at Elsa’s adorably increasing blush. “What do you think about thanking and punishing them with me sometime? It could be part of our second date?”

“Yet another reason for me to fall for you. I just hope that next time I won’t take that literally,” Elsa jested and closed her eyes, a smile still shining on her face. 

Their noses brushed again. Warmth filled them both and they shuddered at the soft touch. 

“Then I’ll do my best to keep adding to the list,” Honeymaren husked.

She then captured Elsa’s lips in another wonderful, more passionate kiss.

Stars joined the moon, illuminating the sky with countless sparks of light, bathing the world in silver. But the light they saw reflected in each other's eyes was the only thing that mattered. 

_ I love you. _


End file.
